I WANT GHOST RIDER!

Earlier I posted two guesses for Captain Marvel's numbers: one pessimistic, one optimistic. I still feel these are the likely outcomes, and my official bifurcated guess. And yet I feel I wasn't truly being honest on what my instinctive assessment is, because I think it's wrong, yet still it is what I believe in my gut. You can't change how you feel about things in your gut, just ignore it or allow it.

Eh. Why?

In my gut, I feel like Captain Marvel should make about $38 million its opening weekend and maybe $420 million overall. I don't see it as interesting in the slightest. I think Captain Marvel is a lame character. I think Brie Larson's comments didn't help, but quite honestly I don't see who cares about this. Who cares about some angry militant heroine who hates you? Who wants that?

I say this, but I think my instincts are wrong. They have to be, because my gauge of what should be a success is skewed. My favorite Marvel movie was Ghost Rider (2007), and I'm still angry it didn't get its due.

Ghost Rider was the best Marvel film, better than Civil War or Iron Man or any of that other crap the young people all wank themselves to. Nicholas Cage did an Elvis impression, he went up the side of a building on a motorcycle made of fire, and the flaming skull of Ghost Rider is ALWAYS grinning. Whereas Brie Larson can only show the emotion of angry impatience, Nicholas Cage showed every emotion imaginable in any given second, laughing maniacally, snarling, and screaming in a tour de force only equalled by his turn in the ill-conceived Wicker Man remake.

And in terms of characters, Captain Marvel may be able to fly and shoot energy bolts (the most boring powers there are), but Ghost Rider is a goddamn flaming skull who hurts people by staring at them. He is as awesome in every aspect as Captain Marvel is bland and generic. 

The plot of Ghost Rider, for those uninitiated, is that Nicholas Cage plays daredevil Johnny Blaze, who sold his soul to Mephistopheles in his teens to save his father's life by curing his cancer. Naturally the devil betrays him and kills his father anyways. Despite the difference of opinion on the contract, Mephisto still turns up decades later to force Johnny to become the Ghost Rider, The Devil's bounty hunter, to bring wayward souls into hell. In particular Mephisto wants Blaze to bring him four Demons who seek an evil contract of power. Ghost Rider finds and defeats each in turn. He also balances this with love interest Eva Mendes, who comes to learn of his curse.

Tldr - Ghost Rider is a flaming skull who beats up criminals. And it had Sam Elliot as the first Ghost Rider, a flaming skull cowboy with a Warlock Dreadsteed instead of a motorcycle. Everything about this movie was what a comic book movie should be: fun, over the top, insane, and awesome.

But cruel fate conspired against it. It came out in March, with a 38% rotten score (the bastards) and this beautiful film was considered a bomb, so maligned it isn't even considered to be in the MCU. A sequel was made with Nicholas Cage, but of such inferior quality and production values its existence is profane.

It was BEAUTIFUL!

But when it burned, it burned so brightly, the Roy Batty of the MCU, superior to all others but retired too soon. Lost, like tears in the rain. 

And so when I conceive of a world that would reject the awesomeness of Ghost Rider, which deserved to make two billion dollars and inspire TRULY AWESOME merchandise, I can fully see this world valuing the unmitigated boring shit that is Captain Marvel, the garbage heap of bland feminist antisexploitation backed up by Disney's borderline frightening PR machine.

Why, oh why, can't we have Nicholas Cage playing a flaming skeleton anymore?